Summer Blog Social: Advice For You

I know. Everyone is at BlogHer but me, and you if you are reading this. I don't feel to left out though since BBCD and 4 Plus an Angel came up with the #SummerBlogSocial to help me feel in the loop.

What's that you say?

Oh. Well click the link and find out. You won't be sorry. Can you wait until after you read my post though? Thanks so much. ;)

As for me? I chose Prompt #5: What activities, practices, features or events have helped you most in terms of blog or social media growth?

Have you ever noticed my sidebar? It seems really cluttered, doesn't it? But, if you look a little closer to the right, you see a list I call "You Can Find the Poop Here". Those are the places I frequent, most notably groups like The Red Dress Club, a writing club for women (though we have recently had some men join in too). There are other writing groups as well, and just above that space in my sidebar, you see "The Poop is Writing on the Walls Here".

Say what? Your writing poop on other people's walls?

Yep, I sure am. I post every Wednesday at Rage Against the Washing Machine (though its currently on hiatus for a couple of weeks) and I lead the writing workshop group for Tiffany at Bloggy Moms.

Why is this important?

Did you know that by joining Bloggy Moms your blog gets noticed? And? if you join the Writing Workshop, I notice your blog, and when you participate? I tweet about it. As often as I can, because your blog deserves to get noticed.

Why did I tell you about my weekly post at Rage?

That gets my blog noticed too. Seriously. I have met so many new people via her blog I can't even begin to explain.

The next piece of advice I have? Memes.

Participate in them. There are so many out there to choose from. I'm quite sure you can find one that suits your style. My current memes are

• Post It Notes Tuesday, hosted by Kristin of Only Parent Chronicles
• Pour Your Heart Out, hosted by Shell of Things I Can't Say
• Wordless/Wordful Wednesday, hosted all over the blogosphere, but specifically by Parenting By Dummies and Seven Clown Circus
• Summer Photo Challenge, hosted by Alicia of Project Alicia and Kristi of Live and Love...Out Loud.

I also participate in By Word Of Mouth Musing's Friday Facebook hop, which gets my Facebook page noticed. Do you know I went from 105 "likes" to 493 within 2 weeks between her hop and a discussion in bloggy moms? WOW!! That's a jump! Participation on the page has even gone up.

I run a feature every Friday, too. I call it The Best Scoop of the Week. Its a chance to get your blog featured, and break in your guest posting abilities at the same time. How do you do that? You just email me 3 of your favorite links. It's easy as pie (or maybe I should say ice cream, since that's what you get when you are featured. Three scoops to be exact, and I promise its not poop.) When its your turn, you'll get an interview question from me for your feature, and a prompt for your guest post. Need more info? That's easy to come by. Just click the Best Scoop of the Week (BSOW) tab at the bottom of my header.

Did you see what I did there? I promoted MYSELF. Ha. AND? I told you about a cool meme of my own.
 
And it didn't even hurt.

Did you know blogger makes it easy to promote your posts? At the bottom of every post you write a little grib pops up. I always click on the twitter symbol to tweet, and post to my facebook page too. The google + button is there as well.

I also joined some websites, though I don't really know how to get promoted on them, so anyone with the goods on getting syndicated on BlogHer or getting published on Studio 30+ and Indie Ink, I would grateful for. (Ha. So I worked in Prompt #6 or 9 here too.)

Basically, the more you join, the more you get promoted. It's been made SO easy for you. All you have to do now is sign up. What are you waiting for?

Have you joined Google + yet? I have invites.

Guest Post: Poop Happens

Please welcome the super funny Kimberly from All Work and No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something. I guarantee you will laugh your butt off today!

As the elevator door slowly slid open on the 7^th floor, I took in a calming breath and confidently stepped out of the elevator.  I walked right into my dream come true.

It was my first hospital rotation as a student nurse.

My new white sneakers squeaked from under me as I made my way to the nurse’s station. I slipped my fall jacket off to reveal a bright white uniform that was pressed to perfection. The pockets carried crisp new notepads and pens of every colour and cheat sheets to help me on my first day. The best part of the entire outfit was when I hung my burgundy stethoscope around my neck.  I remember catching a glimpse of myself in the small mirror above the lockers and I will admit...

I looked like a fucking rock star.

I listened intently as I got report from the nurse I was following for the day. My patient was *Mr. Johnson, an elderly confused male who was admitted for dehydration.

“You probably want to give him a bath today. He can’t walk so you’ll have to wheel him to the shower on his commode (*a commode is a toilet seat on wheels). The shower’s at the end of the hall”, my nurse instructed.

 And off I went.

I walked into his room and introduced myself in a bubbly manner

“Hi Mr. Johnson. My name is Kimberly. I’m your student nurse.”

“I don’t have a purse!”

“No, I’m your student nurse.”

“I told you. I don’t have one.”

Sigh.

“Mr. Johnson, I’m going to give you a shower this morning. I need you to help me get you onto this seat.”

“Yea. Yea. Go here go there. You all are so bossy.”

“Well, we don’t have to do this now if you don’t want to.”

“Cheese and rice. Let’s just get this out of the way.”

I slowly lowered the side rail and he swung his frail legs over the side. He shakily clutched my hands and pulled himself up. In one swift motion, he flopped his bare bottom on the seat.

“Ok, watch your feet Mr. Johnson”, I said as I manoeuvred the chair out of the room.

I felt so proud walking down the hall. I was only 10 minutes into my shift and I had my very first patient up and ready for a shower. All of my fellow classmates smiled and some gave me thumbs up. “I’m nailing this job” I thought...

That’s when the smell hit me.

I started getting this overpowering poop smell. It was as if someone had waved a dirty diaper right under my nose. As we walked further down the hall, the smell got more intense. I began gagging and holding my breath while simultaneously feeling sorry for that poor nurse who had to deal with that poop-tasrophe.

“Who’s shitting in the hallway?” yelled a nurse.

“There is shit all down the hallway!”

I turned around and saw a trail of poop behind us. I immediately looked down at my feet and sure enough I had walked my shoes, my bright new white shoes, right through it.

I had someone’s shit on my shoe.

Human poop.

On. My. Shoe.

I stood there in the middle of the hallway with vomit floating dangerously in the back of my throat. I wanted to kick my shoes off right that second. I felt so violated.

 Then Mr. Johnson grumbled.

“I’ve never had a moving shit before.”

“What?”

“A moving shit! My toilet has never moved while I was taking a shit.”

“Mr. Johnson, are you having a bowel movement?”

“A bowl of what? I’m taking a shit. Why would I be having a bowl of anything when I’m in the process of taking a shit?”

And that my friends was the first lesson I’ve ever learned as a nurse:

Don’t push a patient on a portable potty. 

 

With a Comment Here, a Comment There, Comments, Comments Everywhere

A couple of things-
a) 2 Truths & a Lie was a big fat fail on my part yesterdary because I set it on a schedule to post, and for whatever reason, blogger didn't post it. My apologies to those who posted, waiting for me to put the link up. It will be back next week.
b) Best Scoop of the Week will be posted tomorrow. Please stop by and give my guest blogger some lovin.

I've seen this meme around the blogosphere, and I'm not sure who started it, but I am doing it today. And it's all thanks to you, my commentors that makes it possible. Can you find your comment?

****************

It's not too bad...well...I mean it is noticeable...but not too bad. Ahem...yeah. At least he...yeah, don't know how to finish that, I'm just picturing monkey man doing this to me. Not looking forward to that.

I think one look at those baby blues, and you don't really notice anything else, but his extreme cuteness! Heck, he might even start a new fashion in hair do dos.

I would pay money to have eyes like that. So adorable!

Haha. At least he still has his striking good looks. Happy WW!

Holy crap! Do you want me to bitchslap him for you? I totally would! Glad you are back!

Damn straight about that asshat, my you've covered a lot here today! I just love to shoot the poop.

Have you considered pushing your neighbor in?

Oh doo dah day, I can't believe it. Now you need to come up with a Neighbor of the Year award. For some reason, I'm thinking it looks like a giant bull mastiff taking an elephant sized poop in his yard.

I'm guess from the blog name that you are lying about poop. Whose poop? I don't know!

***************

Where are the best comments in the blogosphere found? Right here on The Scoop on Poop. Seriously. You guys rock!!!

Oh No He Didn't Tuesdays: No Fiber Necessary

 


GC is at it again. You've read how he left me stranded in a vehicle on Mother's Day with both kids and no refreshments, no bathroom, and no toys for 2 hours. You've read how he did it to me AGAIN the following weekend for another hour. But this week? This week tops them all....

GC has this regular thing that you can set your watch by. I mean, really, it's ridiculous. You can guarantee that the first thing he will do when he walks in the door is head straight for the bathroom. It doesn't matter if he just made a quick run to the store and went before he left. He will still head straight for the bathroom when he comes in. The smells that emunate from the bathroom confirm that he is indeed, full of poop.

This particular morning, he comes in and heads straight for the bathroom. I am in the middle of eating breakfast. He starts texting me:

GC: Please come here.
Me: I'm eating.
GC: Well I need T.P.
Me: In the bathroom closet
GC: Well, it's not like I can get up and get it.
Me: Why not? I do it all the time.
GC: Real funny.
Me:  What?! I'm serious.
GC: No, there is no tp in the closet.
Me: Yes there is. A whole bunch. Look for it.
GC: No, it is not
Me: Look. I'm eating. You don't want to inhale the smell of my poop when you are eating. AND if I have to come in there to give you TP thats RIGHT THERE in the closet, I'm gonna smack you.

My phone is quiet for a few minutes, then I receive this text:
"I flushed already."

Oh no, he didn't!!
Oh yes, my friends, he did.

As if flushing at that point is going to solve anything.

I am 100% convinced that the man is full of shit. Pun intended.

Now, I know you've got some good stories to tell about people who do crazy things. Why don't you post it and run over to Kristi's and link up there and here? You know you want to.

And the Oscar Goes To.......

This week I was blessed with this award (twice):

by 2 fantastic ladies, Marissa at The Hardest Job on Earth, and 21st Century Domestic Goddess. I'm sending a GREAT big shout out to both those ladies in THANKS for making my week, month, year. Bless you both!!

Anyway, along with accepting the award, and following the rules (first was to thank the person(s) who passed it to you) comes the revelation of 7 facts I'm not really sure you really should know about me, but here goes....

1. The only time I can seem to read is when I poop, and that's only if I can manage to get a private hour minute.
2. I can play 3 musical instruments--the piano, the clarinet and the violin.
3. My first big celebrity teenage crush was Billy Warlock (of DOOL fan), followed by C. Thomas Howell, Ralph Macchio, and River Phoenix.
4. I am 100% terrified of sharks. I will not go in the ocean. Ever.
5. When I was a teenager, I wanted to be in the Olympics as a downhill skier.
6. I have worked as a waitress.
7. I am still working on my associate's degree. I'll get there someday.

Now, I'm supposed to pass the award along to 15 more bloggers that I have recently discovered and then let them know about their award. So, without any further ado, I pass this award on to....

Laughing Through Parenting

Diving Into the Waves

Oops...There Goes My Mind

Alabaster Cow

No, Don't & Stop!

CA Girl

Things I Can't Say

a belle, a bean & a chicago dog

Seven Clown Circus

Not Your Average Teen

Life So Lovely

Amy's Blam

Mommyologist

Really? I'm a Mom?

Apple Juice & Milk

Elle

I'm telling you, this was hard. These are some REALLY great blogs. Be prepared to neglect your children sit and get lost in Blogland for hours. Have a GREAT weekend!!!

P.S. Don't forget Ali from Diving Into the Waves will be guest posting on Monday. Come see what she has to say!!

The Real Poop-Drama's Thursday Confessional

The confessional is now open. Take a number and wait to be called. You don't have to wait. You could bump yourself to the front of the line and then confess about it later. You have to wait behind me though. I go first...

Confessions of The Drama Mama:
#1. I did not crave chocolate and Golden Double Stuf'd Oreos until my doctor said I was diabetic. Now, I can't get enough of them.
#2. The pantry goods are still sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor waiting for me to put them away. As if I don't have enough to do, they can't put themselves away?
#3. Sometimes I don't know if I would know what to do if there wasn't some kind of poop going on. The smell of the roses would actually surprise me.
#4. There are certain things in our marriage that George Clooney and I fight about. These are petty things that we shouldn't but yet, even though I knew they were there when I married him, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with now. So, we fight. Then, we make up. I have the battle scars to prove it. Their names are Scooby Doo and Jellybean.
#5. I am easily addicted. I am loving this blogging thing. It's like a whole new world has opened up to me. It's the best free entertainment. EVER.

Now that I have confessed my sins for the week, I am punished with 2 chocolates and a Golden Oreo. Who's next to confess?