The Journey

When you are a child, you think the whole world is about you. You never really grasp the concept that it is so much bigger and larger and that it is possible that whatever problems you are having in your life, most especially with family, are probably affecting others in your life on a much larger scale as well. Especially if its abuse of some kind.

And when the realization of it hits you, a whole new kind of pain comes crashing down.

This pain can threaten to crush you in ways you never thought possible after all you have survived. This pain can make you question everything you believe. Everything you love. Just everything in general.

And so you begin searching. Searching for answers that you don't even know if you really want. Searching for peace you aren't sure you will ever find. Searching for a giant band-aid to help hold it all together until its healed enough to take off.

I have realized that my journey, though I have overcome so much already, is only just beginning. I look at the terrain in front of me, all the rocks and mountains in the landscape. I look behind me at the road I've already traveled, the mountains I've already climbed, and the scratches all over my arms and legs from the sharp rocks I've encountered there, the bruises scattered across my heart from the falls along the way. I look around me and see the soft valley with its green grass, and the promise of rebirth. I look ahead again, and I say "I don't want to leave."

I'd almost rather live thinking it was only me, then deal with the reality that it was so much MORE than me...