Today's topic is Grandiosity. It is another symptom my daughter shares with bipolar children. I'm going to explain it here, to give a small glimpse into our daily life.
Jellybean has this super inflated sense of ego. It makes her think she is the boss.
EVERYWHERE.
This sense of entitlement and Queen Bee attitude can be very aggravating for me as a parent. I imagine that as difficult as it is for me to deal with, it must be even worse for other adults, not to mention her friends.
It even happens at school sometimes. She has been reminded on more than one occasion that she is not the teacher. At home, she has to be reminded that she is not an adult. She is not the parent, and needs to be reminded often of her role in this family. She is a child, my daughter, and that is the role I expect her to play.
She has certain responsibilities around the house to help me, but she is not the one in control. She just tends to think she is. Her mind isn't able to define the line between bossing and helping or bossing and reminding, etc.She is unable to define the line between her being a child and my being an adult. Everyone is equal in her mind.
Example: "Scooby, you cannot go past the mailbox. Period. If you do, you will have to go inside." This could be taken as a sisterly reminder, except the tone of voice she uses with it. She is not merely reminding, she is bossing, using her "I'm the parent" voice with him.
"You will..." is a frequent start to her sentences, even when speaking to an adult.
Mommylebron speaks of The Princess Syndrome, which gives a great definition to the grandiose way of thinking, but honestly, I tend to think Tyrant defines Jellybean better. The free dictionary defines a tyrant as
- 3. An oppressive, harsh, arbitrary person.
Dictionary.com defines oppressive as causing discomfort by being excessive, intense, elaborate, etc.
So what does all this mean?
It means that as sweet and loving as I know my daughter can be, and often is, she has this grandiose sense of self that makes her seem oppressive, a tone of voice and manner of speaking which can be harsh, and she can hold very opinionated biases which are based on her extreme view of self.
In her world, there is only black and white. The shades of grey that make life flow smoothly from one extreme to the other are not apparent and obvious to her.
Most of us live within the gray. That's the way we like it. This is part of the reason why she has trouble keeping friends once she makes them. No one wants to be bossed around, made to feel inferior, or any of the other feelings that come from being around a tyrannical person.
How do I help her?
We do a lot of role playing here.
Oftentimes putting her in the other persons shoes, or even my stepping in her shoes for a moment, is opening her eyes to how the world sees her and her attitude. It also giver her a glimpse into how her friends feel when they are treated like that.
She has come along way, especially in maintaining friendships.
I'm always open to new ideas; we try many different things. Some are subtle, and some are not.
We frequently go through our stuff and donate the things we don't need anymore for others who are less fortunate. There are things that I want to involve her in to teach her that it is not all about self but she isn't quite old enough yet. So, I do little things, and a lot of role play to try to teach her.
It is believed that my (step)dad is bipolar. I see a lot of the same behaviors in my daughter that I see in my dad. She is now starting to notice these behaviors as well, so I'm using it to show her how we feel, to teach her how to live within the gray, even if it's just tiptoeing along the edges.
Do you have a story of grandiosity to share? Why not link up with Mommylebron at Rage Against the Washing Machine so we can learn from you too!
No comments:
Post a Comment