Entrant No. 3 into the *Tournament of the Races* Whitey Bracket: Esti Ginzberg

It says here on my cheat sheet that she's from Israel. So does this mean that picture of Jesus Christ painted on the window of my church with blue eyes and a strawberry blonde beard is indeed historically accurate? How can an Armenian be in the Asian bracket but an Israeli be in the white bracket? Why's the sky blue? Why is water wet? These are all questions that need to be answered.

Anyway, she's like an ultra-sleek Brooklyn Decker-Abbie Cornish hybrid that makes Hebrew sound more romantic than French.


And her name is Esti for godsakes. I defy you to find me a girl with a name like that and a face like Maggie Gyllenhaal's.

Finally, if prior to reading your post, you were unsure as to why all women hate each other. In the delicate words of the immortal Christopher Wallace, "now you know (n-word)!"

Her theme song:


Whitey Bracket Recap:

1. Kate Upton

2. Julianne Hough

3. Esti Ginzburg (current)

13 to go son. This Tournament will continue exclusively on my tumblr. @ Tyler Kahl Nude. Thanks for coming out and have a safe trip home.

Girl of the week 6.19 and entrant No. 1 into the *Tournament of the Races* Whitey Bracket: Kate Upton

I once called her the Evolutionary Erika Eleniak . But that's like calling Randy Moss the evolutionary Don Hutson.

Not only is she one of the primary reasons the terrorists hate us - besides a 24-7 all you can eat buffet of high-speed internet porn, big screen TVs, and sidewalks - but she is the key to peace in the Middle East.

Bombs, you say? Bombs indeed.

(smash cut to the Sheikh of Whyisthislandholyagain nodding sullenly)

She balances girlish cuteness,

elite beauty,

and flithy whorishness

like a Hawaiian's head with a fruit tray.

All that AND she can Dougie.


The entire Black Bracket just collectively shuddered.

Girl of the week 6.5, Vanessa Hudgens

The Madonna of the leaked cellphone pic.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me, three times, well....
....it ain't easy being greasy in this world full of cleanliness.

And to quote the Captain of the worst team in USC history Petros Papadakis, you should get a helmet with a light on the top before you look at her most recent release.

Her entrance music, if you will:

(My favorite ever Madonna song)



*Tournament of the Races Update*

This is like Sophie's choice. If Sophie had a litter.

Anyway...

....Your Asian Bracket contestant recap in no particular order - all former girl of the week winners (with the exception of Scherzinger):

1. Jessica Gomes

2. Olivia Munn

3. Jamie Chung

4. Kristin Kreuk

5. Arianny Celeste

6. Nicole Scherzinger

7. Shay Mitchell (the evolutionary Scherzinger)

8. Jarah Mariano

9. Olivia Lufkin















10. Freida Pinto

11. Shermine Shahrivar

12. Vanessa Hudgens (current)

With only 4 spots lefts I will be accepting - though not expecting - fan submissions.

Buy this to wipe your butt with:

2.20 girl of the week, Jessica Stroup *Chop Shop Special*

Because it takes serious talent to rock short hair without looking like a lesbian.

the Evolutionary Sharon Stone:

In photos she oozes a eclectic collection of Tea Leoni (current), Kristen Stewart, Lara Flynn Boyle (20 years ago, before the accident?) & a smattering of Posh. However, I've been on the set of 90210 more than once or twice and in person she's most like Sharon. The one from Action Jackson, the one that was still a touch more girl than vixen:

And finally, because every girl gets a theme song:

My leg is sparkles,
My leg is pins

Girl of the Week 2.13, Teresa Palmer

Everything attractive about January Jones and Kristen Stewart mashed into one

....kind of like Blade and his relationship to vampires - All of their strengths and none of their weaknesses.

base:

styling:

*video courtesy of Esquire Magazine, my 15.4 x 13 x 1.6 cm paper bound-inspiration*

She could've been speaking in Mandarin and I would've laughed like never before

If you must see her naked I will give you keywords but not a link (read: classy, too):

1. Celebrity
2. Movie
3. Archive

and finally, because every girl needs a theme song

Girl of the week 1.30, *easiest choice ever*

I was born on February 1st. Here's to the culprit:

Love you :P

And because every girl needs a theme song:




Distant (very distant) runner-up, Sarah Shahi

girl of the week 1.9 Shay Mitchell

**and early front-runner for girl of the year (until she starts dating someone like Russell Brand)

a live motion aid for more convincing:


Think that girl from the Pussy Cat Dolls, but wayyyyyyyyy hotter - you know, in the same way that John Ritter's son looks like Tom-Terrific

Pussy Cat, Nicole Scherzinger

Jason Ritter

Tom Brady

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Beaver;
....I think I caught Yellow Fever

pretty like a whip

like her pic and  if you have facebook, be a dear and vote for her:
Nina Jade

she just keep tellin' me thangs (thangs i don't wanna hear)

there's something to a girl with face like this singing.. or faking it..well you get it

Emmy Rossum

The essentials:

- Emmy is short for Emmanuelle, wow

- loves to "hang out" with Leighton Meester - who's looks reminds me of a slightly unhinged, unrefined version of Emmy & whose name is sexier than her face - not by much and I realllllllllly love the name Leighton... But I also love her sex tape...errr...love video.

- kind of resembles Leighton...but also kind of resembles Minka Kelly more... except without those big fat ankles

- she could not possibly have physically enjoyed having sex with last two men she was linked to

(Adam Duritz - terrific yet fairly inexplicable track record)

(Justin Siegel - there is no God)

oh, and she can blow...



.....in that Disney Princess kind of way

and as if you weren't already sold, my muse with the the serendipitous knockout strike:

Emmy Rossum: Funny* Joke(s) from a Beautiful Woman (link for the clicking)