April 29th: The Royal Wedding Day

 EDIT: I should have known that coming from a fierce line of Royalists, I would be dragged out of bed at 5am by my giddy mother to watch the nuptials of Prince William to Kate Middleton. It was probably good that I had low expectations because when Kate emerged in that frothy Alexander McQueen dress I was completely blown away. Alexander McQueen has a tendency to do that I guess. Anyways, she looked completely amazing and I have nothing but positive vibes for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge!

For anyone who has been reading this blog for a long time, you will know that I have a long-standing enthusiasm for the British Royal Family. It has nothing to do with politics, mostly just an aesthetic appreciation for everything ostentatious. Seeing Queen Elizabeth II in the flesh last summer was the single greatest excitement of my adult life (tied with seeing The Pixies live), so it would be safe to assume I’m really excited about this Royal Wedding razzamatazz, right? Wrong.

Why is this? It’s because Kate Middleton is boring! I would never criticize Prince William’s choice of partner and I’m sure she’s a nice girl and all, but that’s exactly the problem. Kate always plays it safe in the wardrobe department, and literally everything she wears is the visual equivalent of Ambien. I don’t care what she wears to the wedding because its going to be ‘pretty’, and ‘classic’ and….yawn. Wait, did I just fall asleep writing that sentence? Oh God.

 Princess Diana was a rad lady with unreal charisma who really pulled out all the stops with that 25 foot train on her wedding dress. They had a horse and carriage, making her the real version Cinderella. And did I mention she was only twenty at the time of he marriage in 1981? I’m pretty sure Princess Diana was entirely responsible for my childhood aspirations of Princess-hood.

  Needless to say, I will not be staying up until 3am to watch this blathering event that will only disappoint me anyways.