Michelle Saram, 6.12 Girl of the Week & entrant no. 16 in the *Tournament of the Races* Asian Bracket.

50 % Chinese. 50 % Indian. 81.25 % Unknown to any one besides horny guys that live in their mom's basement. She exemplifies the spirit of this bracket in oh so many ways.

You know, Snoop Dogg once said,

"Look here bitch, you fine and I dig your style;
Come fuck with a nigga, do it doggy-style."

I like that one. But I like this one more, also from Snoop:

"Spank was really my first love - not that I didn't love my wife, but when he was born, it was like my first love was him. I never knew about those kinda feelings and shit before."

Now replace "Spank" with this bracket and replace "wife" with my right hand and high-speed internet porn and you'll have a perfect representation of how I feel here in this moment. Also in this moment, I feel I should not have made a beat-off reference in the same sentence that already referenced a baby named Spank.

Anyway...

....Your Asian Bracket contestant recap in no particular order - all former girl of the week winners (with the exception of Scherzinger, Kardashian, O-Ren & Shahi who was once a runner-up to my Mom!):

1. Jessica Gomes
2. Olivia Munn
3. Jamie Chung
4. Kristin Kreuk
5. Arianny Celeste
6. Nicole Scherzinger
7. Shay Mitchell (the evolutionary Scherzinger)
8. Jarah Mariano
9. Olivia Lufkin
10. Freida Pinto
11. Shermine Shahrivar
12. Vanessa Hudgens
13. Kim Kardashian
14. O-Ren Ishii
15. Sarah Shahi
16. Michelle Saram (current)

I will be releasing photos of all the bubble girls who had their bubbles popped with relative frequency over the next few days. They all have many strong features and deserve to have a brief moment of spotlight but I, unlike the NCAA, am not willing to expand. I mean, obviously, if I were a greasy fat cat making Scrooge McDuck sized vaults of paper off of dumb-dumb college kids I would do it faster than you could say "exploitation". But I digress. After the girls who missed the cut are announced, I will release the seeding and opening round match-ups. Only then will I move on to the already gaining steam Whitey Bracket. Thanks for your eyes.

I'll leave you with her song:

He's dripping with more cheese than a stack of Gorditas.

Yeah but still.